You only live once, right?

What exactly constitutes a regret? What exactly makes a life worth living, time well spent and actions worth sharing?

I like to say I have "no regrets", and in a sense, this is a true statement. I live for the fact that everything I have ever done was done with some sort of intention. If I did it, then I had to have wanted to do it, right? Does that make me selfish? Not in every sense. Of course I've done things I haven't wanted to, my altruistic moments for the people I care for, and the ones that have touched my heart. Even then, the action may not be my greatest desire, but my affection for them is. My ability to give myself to them in some way is my desire, to show them that I care and that I love them is such a great desire of mine.

Now to this "You only live once", or YOLO fad. Honestly, I don't totally hate it. Yes, I hate the acronym for it, and the lack of originality that comes along with it. But at the core of this phrase, there is truth. There lies our hearts desires, craving for adventure, spontaneity and the idea that this life is all we have, why waste it? And to that idea, I say "YOLO". I say it to the nights where all I want to do is drive to the airport and sit and watch people from all over the world pour into Atlanta. To the kisses shared with boys who have captured my eyes, my mind and even my heart. To the hours spent living through the eyes of a character in a favorite, much read book. To the nights of tv-watching, late night talks, early mornings cups of coffee and the trips to cities miles away on school nights. Am I living this way everyday? No, I'm not. I'm responsible in my actions, but in my thoughts and innermost desires, I am adventurous, spontaneous and unimaginably unsettled in all my ways.

The war on emotion: feelings as a sign of craziness and vulnerability

I'm an avid tumblr, and an avid advice giver. I find that when I'm reading someones blog post or letting a friend vent to me I seem to find them apologizing for getting emotional, or for expressing how they feel. They feel ashamed of their fear, haunted by their sadness and scared of their vulnerability. Everyone has emotions, and everyone should be allowed to feel how they feel, and even more so express how they feel and share it with those they care for. But recently this line has been drawn, especially in my generation, that only a certain amount of feeling is acceptable and beyond that you're irrational or crazy, unstable and incompatible. 

How sad is that though for our generation? That girls today are pushed into thinking that their feelings make them weak, and that their own vulnerability makes them undesirable and incapable of being accepted by those around them. I know for myself that I am incredibly passionate in all that I do. I dive in heart first to everything I do, therefore making myself vulnerable. And I've been hurt so many times do this, and yes, it hurts. But do I regret being passionate, do I regret the love I have for people and those around me simply due to the fear of being hurt again? No, I will continue to be passionate. I will probably also continue to set up walls, walls that I build to protect my heart while still allowing myself to be vulnerable to those that really deserve my heart. 

I know I'm going off on a little bit of a tangent here, but what I wanted to get at here is that emotions are real, and powerful and life changing. Where would we be without them?

I don't think you realize the influence you've had on me, on my life.

If you did, things wouldn't be like this. Or I would hope they wouldn't.


I'm too selfish. I know I am.

"And I sink to the bottom and rise to the top and I think to myself that I do this a lot."

   Have you ever had that one band, that band, that song, that album that you constantly have on repeat? You sing all the words, you constantly have the tunes in your head, and all you want to do is tell other people about them so that they'll love them too?

   As of recent, that has been the Avett Brothers for me. I know that they're not exactly a new band, but I've just fallen completely in love with them, and I feel its fitting for the place that I'm at right now, the point of view I have on my life and the way certain lyrics and songs relate so accurately to the way I'm feeling. Lyrics and verse and words that fit so perfectly in the way I'm feeling that no other explanation is necessary other than to sing at the top of my lungs with the windows rolled down, ray-bans on and experiencing these freeing moments from a hectic life. 


   A life, that is no where near bad, but just has overwhelming tendencies. A life that has habits of ups and downs, goods and bads, times that feel as if they're never going to look up and all you want to do is crawl into the bed, or drive really fast, or simply cuddle up to the person next to you and be perfectly still, allowing yourself to be in that moment, and in that moment alone. Because once things around you begin to move again, the 4 exams, 3 papers, 5 projects, sick grandparents, grieving parents and just the presence of friends and loved ones is a burden. But not a burden in the usual sense. Its a comforting burden, a burden that makes you aware of all the blessings in your life. All the opportunities you've been afforded, the privileges you've been granted and the people God has blessed you with. 

'Up with caffeine and down with a shot

constantly worried about what I got. 

Distracting my work but I can't make a stop 

and my confidence on and my confidence off. 

And I sink to the bottom and rise to the top 

and I think to myself that I do this a lot." 

- The Avett Brothers, "Talk on Indolence" 

   My life right now seems to be completely defined by this song, but it also proves to me that despite all the ups and downs, God has never given me something I can't handle. He will never give me something that he knows won't bring me closer to him.

I can't believe I still have followers

   College has gotten the best of me, and I've been up to my eyeballs in school work, best friends, boyfriend, and anything else you could possibly imagine over the last couple of months. Its been great though, it really has. 

My roomamate, Lindsay and me. She's great. She's a fabulous writer who 

seriously knows how to make everyone laugh.

 Whitney. She's the littlest person I know and I love her to death. She's crude and little and gets away with most things. She has her own language that we're slowly getting used to.

Lindsey! I love this girl, she's sweet, funny and super charismatic when she wants to be. She's also given me the nickname, MamaBear. (Whitney's a weirdo in this picture)

   I've managed to find the best friends I could possibly imagine, and out of a pure miracle, I'm living with them, and will be next year and hopefully more than that. I love them so much, seriously. Yes, we can all drive each other crazy sometimes, but I've never had a friendship like this. One where I tell them everything, and we just do the weirdest shit we can possibly think of together because we know none of us will judge the others. I've seen way more and heard way more about all of their business than I could ever want to, but I don't mind because I love them, and I'm just so thankful for them. 


  School is great. I love it, I'm so glad I ended up where I did. I couldn't have asked for a better college experience, seriously. I'm in love with it. 


  Boyfriend. He's great, really. We've friends for a while. It somehow developed into more, don't ask me how, it just happened. It still confused me, but I'm okay with that. I can't wait to see where this relationship goes. 


I just wanted to update a little bit, partly because I kind of just remembered about this and partly because I missed everyone on here and I feel horrible for losing touch with so many great people out here in the blogland that I adore so much. 


I know I don't update this as much as I'd like to, but I tumble now, its addicting as so easy. Please follow me if you'd like. 


http://tarvistalkshere.tumblr.com/


Lastly, I need to read this everyday. Every single day.

“If you’re feeling frightened about what comes next, don’t be. Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you places. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you create your own path towards happiness, don’t waste time with regret. Spin wildly into your next action. Enjoy the present, each moment, as it comes; because you’ll never get another one quite like it. And if you should ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath and start over. Retrace your steps and go back to the purest place in your heart… where your hope lives. You’ll find your way again.”

- Gilmore Girls

recent thought

"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ"- Philippians 3:8

Now the amazing Switchfoot song/lyric:

"Everything I have I count as loss

Everything I have is stripped away

before I started building I counted up these costs

theres nothing left for you to take away" - Hello Hurricane

This is unconditional love...

He is quite possibly the sweetest, most dear thing to my heart.

he's a sweet snuggler, who can't fall asleep unless he's pressed against your side playing with your hair. He's crazy and wacky and has such a great personality. 

You'd never know that he was 8 and couldn't talk or communicate by just looking at him, because he's just so darn cute. 

So for now, I'll just love on him and fall asleep babysitting this sweet, sweet, sweet boy of mine. 

I'm back, I'm back...for now.

This week has been amazing, I can't even describe it, even tonight, after someone really offended me and hurt me I was still able to have a good night and I love that.

I aced a Psych test and wrote a great paper, hung out with my friends and discovered that people really do care about me more than I thought they did. 

I'll admit it, tonight I got dressed and went out fully expecting to drink some good drink, get drunk and just "have fun", but as I got to the party something inside of me shifted, that desire went away and I just felt disconnected from the whole situation. I quickly left and walked back to my dorm just as the party was busted. I ended up sitting on the floor in the hall for 2 hours. It was great.

I'm not saying I'll never drink ever again or go to another party, I'm just saying that I'm feeling something different, I'm not sure what it is. But it's not bad.

 I'm also finding that I focus less on myself in recent days and more on building lasting relationships with people I really care about and putting myself out there with no reservations. 

If its meant to be, if its not I'm good. I'm slowly seeing that God has a plan for me and I know that he has put certain people in my life for a reason and I'm so excited to see where he's taking me.

Of course I'm still going to keep wondering when that right guy will walk into my life, or if he's already there, but for now a certain peace has hit me and I no longer feel the need to focus only on that one desire. 

and tomorrow/today I get to go home. and see my turtle and my cat and eat thai food. If only there wasn't this achey feeling in my heart, but its slowly fading...

Longing to be recklessly pursued

but knowing it will be at the right time, when its in Gods hands and in his plan. Its just the waiting thats killer...

"The vision of someone walking across a room and asking me to dance plays over and over in my mind; out of the whole room, I was chosen. I’ll be honest, I’m fifteen… I have crushes… but more than whimsical feelings and fickle emotion, I really do want to be fought for. I long to be recklessly pursued. I’m looking for true love, something honest and untainted, with no hidden agenda but that it wants to chase after me. I love Psalm 45: “Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart what I say. Forget your people and your homeland far away. For your royal husband delights in your beauty.” That’s it! That’s what every chick flick revolves around, that’s what every romance novel is written about, those are the exact words that made me want to be a princess when I was younger. The sad reality is, though, that women often aren’t validated and reassured that they’re worth that kind of affection. It scars us in the deepest places and causes us to cover our mouths when we smile and hide who we truly are. But, that’s what I love about Jesus—he’s a husband to the widow, the freer of a captive heart." - Bethany Dillon

The one where I wallow

This sounds ultra pathetic, but how come, I can be surrounded by 100 people at the moment and feel the absolute loneliest I've ever been. This might be the worst feeling ever. 

I'm really ready to be home.

The one where I should take my own advice

Not to brag or anything, but I pride myself on being an expert on relationship advice. No, its not because I carry years of experience dating loads of guys, I just tend to have a good range of knowledge and common sense when it comes to those toughy issues, with friends, guys and parents, but...mostly guys. I'm the girl whos able to give an unbiased opinion on whether she's being the bitch in the relationship, he's being the jerk or if there are really some serious issues going on there. 


However, when it comes to my real, almost non-existent love life, I'm a horrible person. I really am. I do all the things I tell people not to do, I chase after him, I get nervous, I freak out, over-analyze and expect too much from a guy who might not even be interested. and how do I respond to that? I become even more interested. So pretty much, I'm a ridiculous person, who could really use someone with some good ole boy advice, pronto. Especially if you're all into the sappy little details, because I'm sure to give em.

Also, can someone please explain to me how girls express their feelings?! I'm known for for being totally honest, and I really am, I'll tell you like it is, not rudely usually, just tell it! But I can't do it, I can't say how I feel, or even ask the simple question "What are we?!" I just don't see how girls do it....




oh yeah, I've kind of fallen in love with One Tree Hill again, but only the first 4 seasons...the music is just so good.

The start of something new...

You caught me, I am making an High School Musical reference, but it's totally fitting of my first weekend of college life. and so far, its been great! and I can't wait to see what the rest of college has in store for me(like the whole actually taking classes part).

So as the weekend goes, I moved in on Thursday to my cute little dorm room with my roomie Lindsay, who I've mentioned before, because she also has a blog!

We got it all decorated and fixed up, and I must say, it looks really cute. Super simple, but I love it! We just chilled out and went on a Wal-mart run Thursday night, and then Friday night was the best college initiation ever. 

We went to a party at an apartment of one of Lindsays friends, and just hung out playing flip cup and talking. I actually won a Flip Cup elimination tournament, I'm pretty freakin proud of myself. Although, next time I need to remember to eat before I go, because the next day was definitely not as fun as the night before. 

And last night I just hung out with my suite-mates watching movies and talking(and facebook stalking). 

PICTURES:

Room area

(my little desk type area)

(fridge, dresser, Shia....all the necessities)

(my bed, with all my little photos displayed)

(my bed, Lindsay's bed and our cute chair and curtain)

Friday Night Out:

(roomies!)

(new friends, and the bartenders!)

(I vaguely remember this...)

(definitely a very happy Tarver...)

I can't wait to share the rest of my college experience with everyone! 

The one with the 18 hour day

Yesterday I spent the entire day with my best friends doing 3 of my new found favorite obsessions: 

Match.com:

I don't know if I would ever actually make a real profile, but fake profiles are quite fun for simply perusing and finding funny profiles and people we know, I promise, it doesn't sound as bad as it seems. (Plus, it says it "alright to look")

Making Dysfunctional train wreck cakes:

If you can't tell this is our attempt at making an "awesome possum" cake for my friend Maisie's early 18th birthday. The cake was dyed red to look like blood, but as the cake fell apart, it began to look even more gross. But it ended up tasting delicious and looking kind of adorable.

PS I Love You:

I had never actually seen the movie before, but I'd definitely heard about it, that it was the saddest movie ever, and that I would ball my eyes out. To my surprise, and I think my friends too, I didn't cry one bit, and I usually cry at everything, I mean  everything! Maybe it was like opposite hormones or the fact that I wasn't by myself or in the dark, but I didn't cry. (Don't hate me for it) I did like it though, just not Hilary Swanks acting, or her outfits.

Overall my weekend was really good, and it should've been filled with more packing, but I'll get to it, eventually. But in just 2 days, my best friend, Christine, leaves Macon for UGA to rush a sorority, because she's cool like that.(Plus, she has a blog!)

And then in THREE days, I move out, and it couldn't come fast enough. 

Fill in the Blanks!

Fill in the blanks Friday: Foodie Edition

1.  Today for breakfast I ate       technically, nothing. Although on the way out the door around 11 I ate some ritz crackers and orange juice.

2.  My go to/never fail recipe      lemon and rosemary roasted chicken, its just so easy and delicious.

3.  Something I eat that other people think is weird is       I don't really eat weird things, but I eat stuff oddly. I always have a "best bite", something on my plate that I save for the very end just to round it all out. Don't ever steal my last bite.

4.  My worst cooking disaster ever was       I ruined a pot of green beans so bad one thanksgiving, it was terrible.

5.  If I could only eat one flavor of ice cream the rest of my life it would be     rainbow sherbet, it is absolute perfection.

6.  One food I hate and avoid at all costs is       a dish my grandma makes call "aspic" pronounced: "ASS-PICK" and yes, I'm totally serious. Its like tomato jello with okra, olives and green onions. It is absolutely disgusting, and the name is so fitting.

7.  What is your favorite meal?  Breakfast, lunch, or dinner?      Lunch! I've recently discovered the joys of going out to lunch with friends(singular or plural). It really is the perfect time to enjoy someone else's company, and most of the time I end up sitting and talking with them for hours!      .

Now onto today:

Today my mom and I made a little trek out to Warner Robins(a nearby town) to eat at our favorite Thai restaurant where the heavenly coconut soup is served, but to our surprise, when we arrived, the heavenly Ladda Thai was gone. It was still a Thai restaurant, but it just wasn't the same.

(seriously, the stuff is heavenly)

Oh,and in honor of my favorite cast being split up by dumb CBS and their final day of filming:

(I'm only slightly addicted to Criminal Minds)

The one where I sneeze a lot

So if you've ever been around me for more than five minutes then you've probably realized I'm somewhat of a gross person, and no, I don't stink or spit, I am just in a constant state on allergy ridden sniffles. Seriously, I don't think I've fully been able to breathe through my nose since I was 7, so I feel bad about 1/4 of the month because something just happens to being blooming that I'm allergic to, and well, I'm allergic to a lot of things.

Dogs

Cats

Trees

Flowers

Grass

plus: dust, dust mites, dander, pollen, 

strong smelling perfumes, down and feathers.

But, now, thanks to two things, all of my constant sniffing, sneezing, eye-watering and itchy throatness will all soon be a thing of the past. 

1)After a dysfunctional series of allergy tests, I am now on a series of monthly shots and twice daily drops, its all tedious, but it has good results.

and the strangely more exciting news:

2)I will be getting my tonsils out this December when I'm home for my first semester of college, and I couldn't be more excited. I get strep about 4-6 times a year, due to my tonsils getting infections, and I know it will hurt, but I'm ready to be done with the constant itchiness. 

I'll let you know when I know the exact dates for the surgery, but its just great news for something that has bothered me for so many years. I mean, I even missed elementary school field trips due to my constant bouts of strep, so I'm ready for this!

BTW, I leave for school in 6 days, no big deal or anything.(kidding, I'm freaking out).

The one where I only feel one thing

I hate that on a day where I'm busy doing fun things with different people all I can still feel is disappointment, over everything. And I hate that, its not what I want to feel, but its just there.

I think its because of lots of things that I realized I didn't get to do this summer. Like going to the beach with my friends, day trips, road trips, random movie nights and late night sleepovers. And none of it happened. I didn't get to go get peaches or go to Tybee for a day, or stay up late and watch Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. No, none of it.

All I did was watch loads of Grey's Anatomy.

I still want to do ALL of that, but guess what, I only have SEVEN days left, SEVEN! 

Lordy, lordy, I think I'm just freaking out about going off to school, but one thing I know for sure, is that I really want a beach day, so bad! I think it's necessary for my sanity!

Ok, so who is going to take me to the beach?

The one where I introduce some of my favorite blogs

I personally feel like I have posted in 5 months, but actually its only been 2 weeks, and I've missed it dearly, but I know its definitely been good for me to get a break. So as my introduction back I'll start with a nice little timeline:

First ever blog post: May 26, 2009

(that didn't last long)

first blog post on WP: August 10, 2009

First blog post BACK on Blogger: November 6, 2009

*please ignore the ridiculous spacing blogger decided to add into my post, its making the OCD part of me go CRAZY!*

So technically, my blogging anniversary would be on May 26, but I wasn't really into it, so maybe it should be August 10. So as of August 10, I will have been consistantly blogging for over a year, how great is that? 

And as memorium/Thank you/acknowledgement of the reason I blog at all, I'd like to tell you a little bit about my favorite blogging people that I've met, and those who have inspired me.

The Reason I started a blog: 

 A day in the Life

(she took this beautiful picture!!)

Lisa 

So it goes, I was looking through google for Annie Lobobitz photos, and thats when I stumbled upon Lisa's blog. She was a young woman just out of college living life her way in London. Her story inspired me and her view on certain things made me want to be best friends with her! She was my first follower! And even though she's going through a difficult time right now(job hunt), she has still kept such a great attitude! (plus she's an amazing photographer)


Sweetest, most encouraging girl you'll ever meet: 

Just Putting it out There

Alyssa

She's great, trust me. The only problem, she lives a world away! But that doesn't seem to stop her from being amazing when it comes to encouraging me, giving amazing advice(ex. highschool boy drama) and just being all out amazing! I don't even remember how I found her blog, but I'm so glad I did! (plus, shes the creator of Project You)

The blog I love, with 2 sisters: 

Mucho Mucho Bueno Bueno

Kelly and Brandi

A week or 2 before Christmas they left a comment on my blog, and from there I've absolutely fallen in love with there blog! They are just so much fun, and there blog is the perfect example They post about everything to there awesome road trips, workouts or the adorable photo shoots they hold! And boy, Brandi has helped me SO much with my hair(she's great). They make me want to try so many new things from a new hair style to great new outfits!

The girl who makes me want to become a better southern girl:

Brown Eyed Belle

Julie

She is an absolute doll of a southern belle, and she always has something cute to say. I have loved her blog for such a long time, and its been so great seeing her go from 35 followers to over 500, sharing her love for life and southern charm with people around the world. She always leaves the sweetest comments on my blog and I look up to her and her sweet southern ways!

My 2 favorite girls who are in love, and make me WANT to be in love:

And this is what she said...

Rasha

I have loved reading her blog and seeing how absolutely in love she is with her man! Its just absolutely inspiring. She is such a sweet girl with a great heart(and a great guy!). 

AND

My Teacups in Peony

Nicole

This is a girl who loves, LOVE. And you can tell, by her amazing series of "its a love story". Seriously, I'm addicted. I've spent hours pouring over the sweet stories she's featured on her blog! She also has one of the coolest jobs ever, at a camp where she works with great kids! Her love for life and love has inspired me so much!

btw, best love story from a great blogger, Lauren.

My favorite mama who makes adorable gifts:

Bacwoods Fern

Kassi

She's seriously just a doll with an adorable family, she makes me want to have adorable little kids(in a few years of course!) Plus she makes the sweetest little gifts, she makes me want to learn how to sew better with her adorable sunglasses cases!

I have met so many more amazing people through blogging, that I couldn't possibly write about everyone of them in just one post, and all of them have inspired me in different ways, whether it be there writing styles, their love or pain or the way they look at different situations, all of it has made me love the world of blogging.

Blogging has taught me to be more honest with myself and to face things in my life that I never would have before. I know that in the next few months I'll be super busy with starting college and the encouragement I've gotten from so many has meant so much to me!