I could use some help

For the past few days I've been in one of my funks, however this is a really bad one. I haven't wanted to talk to anyone other than my mom, I've been in bed for the majority of the last 2 days, I've watched 2 tv series, eatten lots of chocolate pudding and unsweet tea, and I've slept terribly, and when I do sleep I have horrible dreams where I'm alone or being tortured with spiders. I sound pretty messed up, right?
Well I'm not really, I promise. I'm just in a "funk". For those of you who don't know what a funk is, its a period on time ranging from a few hours to a week at tops, but during this time I'm in a foul mood where I have absolutely no motivation and I get slightly paranoid. Most of the time I'm out of these funks within a few good talks with my mom or a friend, but this one is just stubborn.
I have my predictions as to where my moods stem from and I think this one is a combination of frustration from a stressful due date week(I had a first draft for an article and a column for the telegraph due this week, and a paper due), I need to read Heart of Darkness and I have just had so much going on, or atleast I thought so. I was supposed to go to Atlanta today with some friends, but they ended up not going and I think I was kind of uninvited anyways, so I think that was like the last straw. I just let the terrible mood sink in and I sulked around and spat at everyone with one word answers who tried to talk to me, giving them looks of warning, desperately trying to let them on to what a b***h I was being. I even ended up coming home from school on Friday, because I just couldn't put up with anything or anyone, and I didn't want to start a fight with someone.
I've also been super behind on reading my favorite blogs and commenting, but I'm not letting myself feel bad about it, because blogging is something I usually enjoy, but I know that if I'm still doing it but I'm not enjoying it, then I should stop for a while, and thats what I did this week, and now I'm better and I'm hopefully back for a while.

But don't think that I've been in a super depressive state since I last posted, because I haven't. I actually was in a great mood last weekend. I met JACK MCBRAYER, from 30 Rock and I rode in a car with him and I got all my birthday thank you notes sent out and all of my blog swap gifts sent out, now I just need to write my letter to Tanja, my pen pal parter in Nicoles pen pal project. I'm absolutely so excited about this, its so new and something I've never done before! I hope to get my letter out this week, but I want it to be perfect. I also recieved the cutest earrings ever from Kristen, there these cute little button/flower earrings and I've worn them everyday this week. People keep commenting on them and I love it, because they're just so unique. I hope everyone finishes out their weekend well, and that its not too cold where you are. Now I'm back to my bed for the rest of the weekend, where I will watch way too much Friday Night Lights and do none of the things I need to do.

Fill in the Blank

I know I've kind of been MIA recently, but I'm back kind of, I just really haven't been in a writing mood, and I didn't want to post anything when I didn't have anything to say. So I thought in order to get back into the swing of things I'd do a little fill in the blank from one of the blogs I read, but eventually I will catch everyone up on all of my school drama, the ski trip and todays field trip to the High Museum in Atlanta, and my little wreck that I had yesterday, and what I did yesterday to help myself get over it(hint: it has something to do with the photo up above, do you recognize it?)

1. If I could medal in an olympic event it would be.... swimming.

2. If I was stranded on a deserted island I'd take...my ipod, some books, and a guy. hah

3. my family being killed or in a car crash, or that I'll be alone forever and never get married.....are my most irrational fears.

4. I'd rather... clean and organize other peoples stuff everyday, than clean my own room..everyday.

5. I am going to.... see shutter Island today.

6. I should really be....shopping for some awesome gifts instead of watching Bones.

7. One of my favorite things in all the world is being at a big or small concert, hearing some amazing live music.

I hate snow

 
 Snow is ruining my birthday, and it hasn't even snowed yet! But in Georgia, if there is even a possibility of even just one single freakin flake in the air then *BAM* everyone in town becomes a shut in and everyone stops functioning. I mean seriously, its just snow. But of course, out of all the days in the year it had to snow on my birthday, and normally I'd be ok with the snow but I want to do things tomorrow. I want to go see Valentines Day with my friends, and get pedicures and go to Chilis with my church friends and have a celeritory Waffle House birthday dinner with my parents. Plus, I need to get ready for the ski trip which means I need to make a very neccesary trip to Walmart. But, because I live in the south, and people here cannot function when theres snow, I won't be able to do any of it, which makes me very sad.
   But atleast I don't have school tomorrow or pretty much all of next week. AND I have a job interview for a pizza place in Macon, that I have to skip school to go to, but I really don't care. Plus my awesome friends made me the cutest birthday cake ever, I was so happy.

All the right moves

So I'm currently just obsessed with that OneRepublic song, All the Right Moves, it seriously just makes me so happy. I'm actually having a pretty good week, I mean I'm not even (totally) worrying about the whole I'll be alone on Valentines day and in order to celebrate my good week here is a list of things that are making me this way this week:

• Good music- OneRepublic, Lady Antebellum, Them Crooked Vultures and Snow Patrol ( to name a few)
• Its my birthday week!
• I got ice cream and Carrabas tonight, yuummmm.
• Lost (SAWYER!)
• I bought the first season of Skins yesterday on sale at Barnes and Nobles, and I'm super excited to get into it!
• I recieved the most adorable package from Summer B, and it absolutely started me off to such a great week!
• I discovered one of my favorite books ever, Wuthering Heights, it is absolutely one of the best books I have ever read. I really felt strongly about it, and I love it when that happens.
• I get to see snow on Saturday.
• 4 day week this week,  TWO day week for me next week.
• Pedicures, Pizza, friends and Valentines Day, the movie, not the stupid holiday!

I pretty much never feel this way, or atleast this much, so when I do get all giddy, I like to share it. I hope everyones weekend was great and that you're all having an amazing week. And I hope everyone else has things like this that just make them happy, especially happy enough to share. I'd love to know some of them!
I'm off to go to sleep, and watch the Big Bang Theory!

my newest article in the paper: http://www.macon.com/146/story/1015284.html

Suprise!

                                (so can I spend my birthday with him!?....amazing!)


So I was was right in my suspicions! This morning my mom and Dad suprised me this morning with brunch at J. Christophers with some of my friends. When we pulled up I saw one of my friends cars, but when we got in side I had no idea the breakfast was for me, I just thought that some of my friends were having breakfast, and that I was not invited! Well I was wrong. So we enjoyed coffee, tea, and lots of really good breakfast food. I had these really god chocolate chip pancakes, and then we went to go see Dear John, and it was my second time seeing it, and I still cried. But only at the really sad parts with John and his father.
*spoiler* In the movie Channing Tatums father is incinuated as being somewhat autistic, and although its very mild, its still evident in the way he is towards other in social situations, his focus on only one activity(coin collecting) and his rigidness when it comes to being scheduled, in control and his ability to have such order in his life. Johns relationship with his father is strained due to his dads extreme awkwardness, but its still so sweet to see them interact, and to know, that in the end they both loved each other very much, even if they were unable to express it for so long. I absolutely love it, and I'm also so excited about so many other movies that are coming out this month, especially Valentines Day and Shutter Island!
But today made me a little more excited for my birthday, and everything else that is going on this week, especially since I made $50 tonight babysitting for the most adorable 7 month old ever! Now I'm off to watch the adorable Ashton Kutcher(he just said he was 32! Holy Crap!, but he's still so hot, on SNL, but of course he will never compare to Andy Samberg.

Notes from a week gone by way too fast

-I really love random outings, ones where no actual plans are made, but instead you just float from dinner, to a bookstore, to a free late night movie...those always seem to be the best.
-I hate that I'm letting prom get to me, but I am, and its making me mad. I guess I just feel bad that everyone else has a date, and has been asked, and yet, I am without one, or even one single invite. Is it really to much to ask for:
-someone who is taller than me.
- someone that I'll have fun with!
-I discovered this show "Skins" yesterday on Amazon, it looks amazing, and I want EVERY season of it.
-I want way too many movie soundtracks: Dear John, Angus Thongs and Perfect snogging and Glee.
- I want to SEE so many movies.
-I have my first babysitting job tomorrow night for a 7 month old, while his parents are at a dinner party....downstairs.
- My birthday is in exactly 6 days, I don't know how I feel about it.
- I get to see snow in a week! I'm so excited.
- Lets just say, that some reoccuring annoying facebook relationship etiquette happened again today, with someone in my life, and its annoying as all get out.
- I will, I will I will post some of my 35mm prints! Remind me!
- I need to finish Wurthering Heights for my lit class, I feel like the only person in the class who actually likes Heathcliff, is there anyone else out there whos with me on the brooding hero?
- I'm really ready for summer, spring break, graduations, New York City!, parties, having money and nannying jobs, fun campaign work, lots of time by the pool getting tan, some new clothes, and for fun times with my friends. and maybe some romantic developments, which only seem to be in my dreams at the moment.

This is seriously just a jumbled up pile of everything that has been streaming through my mind the past few hours, just simply put into a few short sentences. Because, lord, well lets not get into that right now.

Clarity

Actually clarity might be the farthest thing from where I am right now, other than the fact that I'm listening to the John Mayer song of the same name. I have so much stuff. Stuff as in: college, majors, career, nonexistent love life, friends, pathetic birthday, prom, college, choices, and college. And did I mention COLLEGE! I have voice every Thursday and my teacher keeps telling me that he wishes I had come to him earlier, because if I had I would probably be going to somewhere like NYU in the fall, because of my voice. Personally, I don't think I'm very good, I enjoy it, but opera and classical singing to me is just a hobby, but as soon as he mentioned NY, I perked up. Seriously though, since I was like 7 I've wanted to live in New York. And recently I've been analyzing my "strengths" and I love to write, I do love singing and children, physcology and cooking. So I mean, at least its narrowed down to like 5. I'd love to eventually have an internship with a magazine like seventeen, to see if publication is something I'd like to do, and food network(so awesome). But just all of these choices being offered to me at once is ridiculously overwhelming. I know that it will all work itself out, but for now its just stressful to know that I don't know what I'll be doing with my life in the near future.
However, right now I'm also stressed because I'm not doing anything for my birthday, which makes me sad, and I'm also still having these ridiculously confusing dreams that I swear are influencing my thinking in real life. What is my self conscious trying to tell me here!? Is it normal to have a continuous theme to dreams, like with particular people(certain person actually)and for that dream occurrence to influence your daily thinking's. I'd love to know!

They say toddlers are the most fun

I was an only child for only about 3 1/2 years until my brother, Sam came along. I don't think I liked him very much, but I didn't hate him. But up until he was born, apparently those were my moms favorite years, just because it was her and me, watching Sond Mookick(how I said Sound of Music) on the couch and grocery shopping in the front yard, just the 2 of us. Again, I go back to the journal my mom wrote to me, just because it is such a sweet reference.

March 7, 1994 "A beautiful spring day, all we did was play outside today....you asked me to play in the sandbox with you and make sandcakes, and I did so happily. You're joy and awe at every little thing is infectious....You found something new today and I was lucky enough to watch you discover it-your shadow" (she goes on to write some sort of poem.)
"Shadow dances in the warm spring sun- poignante, pliat your young dance has begun. You partner as you spin and twin dances every step like you. The falling sun in the west casts a long, lean shadow on the ground. A new found friend. You turn your back, it goes away, you turn again, it matches your sway. Your eyes smile in delight at what you've found, with no idea that my tear stained face is watching you and sharing in one of your first discoveries, one of many that will fill your precious life."

Aug. 1994(from my babybook)- Says when she grows up she wants to be a dancer like "Min" on barney, and dance with Barney(who I called Bardey. New Favorite phrase: "oh geez".

February 1995- "Everyone comments on how independent you are, your are into everything, but I don't have to scold you very often. You usually listen when I say 'no', no is also one of your favorite words."

I've told myself I'm going to stick to this little repeated history blog series, so I hope everyone is enjoying listening to my ramblings about my childhood, and maybe its encouraging you to go back and look at all your old family photos for yourself. I mean I've learned alot about myself from going back and looking at all the things that my mom wrote about me, because apparently I wanted to be an asian dancer(not gonna happen) and one of my all time favorite expressions(Oh geez) was one of my firsts, although now, I tend to add some obscenities to it, but still, its fun.

I'm ready already for this week to be over, and its only Monday. Next weekend is the ski trip and my birthday. I'm still without a prom date, but I've pretty much decided I'm not going to go, although I love pretty dresses. And these stupid reoccuring dreams that I thought I was totally over, are back, and boy are they confusing me. I mean, is it normal for a dream to confuse you? Especially one that involves a certain person of the male specimen and what could've potentially happened between the 2 of you, like 3 years ago? Because its sure as hell confusing me.